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Swiss Restaurant To Serve Entrée Sauteed In Breast Milk

SWITZERLAND – Hans Locher, the owner of the Storchen restaurant in Switzerland’s exclusive Winterthur resort will improve his menu by serving meals saturated with human breast milk. Though Hans argues that what we were raised on as kids should not be eliminated from our diet, it’s difficult to take advice from a guy who finds inspiration at the local strip club.

“I got the idea at the local boobie bar when I dipped my chicken wings into what I thought was ranch dressing. When I got squirted in the eye by a stripper’s lactating milk bag later that afternoon, I realized that the delicious dressing I had confused as an old country-time favorite was actually breast milk.”

His refined palate (mis)gives him insight into what the general public will enjoy, though Hans admits:

“It always needs to be mixed with a bit of whipped cream, in order to keep the consistency.”

Regardless of taste or consistency, Hans’ native land has laws that intend to defend the well being of its citizens. But when challenged by local authorities, Hans flexed his lactation muscle, as Telegraph reports:

“Humans as producers of milk are simply not envisaged in the legislation. They are not on the list of approved species such as cows and sheep, but they are also not on the list of the banned species such as apes and primates,” Rolf Etter of the Zurich food control laboratory said.

Looks like Hans won this battle – and when people begin dying of god knows what (AIDS or life explosion onset by eruptive vomitation), he will have won the war as well.

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