If you’re on a budget, don’t bother going to, instead let me give you a few money saving, debt busting tips. First off, if you absolutely must eat food, remember, there’s food in beer but no beer in food. Buy a 30-pack instead of a 12-pack and put that shrink-wrapped tuna melt back on the shelf. The last thing you need is the 13-beer-deep tuna-burps.

Next, buy parachute pants. They’ll keep you insulated from the cold and do not require you wear underwear.

Finally, let you trousers multitask and use your parachute pants as a shirt. Less fabric means lower overhead — and if you’re one of the lucky ones and god blessed your toned body with a set of salty chest hams, the elastic waistband on your long-johns means you can use those big sweaty milk bags as a belt.

Who would have guessed?

I’ve Been Told As You Get Older Your Standards Change

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