If these 6 celebs were cars, they would be…


The following comparisons make about as much sense as the Jonas Brothers’ success. Though if the kiddie-bop voice-mod sob-sister pussy-pop trio made this list, they would have been characterized as a lime green ’93 Honda Del Sol, a lavender ’94 Mazda Miata, and a 4 cylinder aqua-marina BMW Z3.

I then would have photoshopped baseball bats jammed in all three vehicles’ windows and dropped them into the Pulp Fiction rape scene.

That would be humbling.

Tom Cruise as the Mini Cooper


The Mini Cooper was cool (for a few hours after seeing Austin Powers/Risky Business) in a novelty sort of way. But anything remotely intriguing about the Mini Cooper vanished when the new mini hit and saturated the market, forcing everyone to see how insanely stupid it really was whether they wanted to or not.

Even Oprah had a tough time giving these away on her show.

Clint Eastwood as the 67′ Chevelle SS


Sometimes it blows a gasket but most of the time it’s badass.

Mo’Nique as the Toyota Previa


Does this really require an explanation?


Didn’t think so.

Vin Diesel as the ’96 Ford Mustang Convertible


It looks like a sports car but behaves more like a VW Jetta—which is ideal for the generally female and closet homosexual clientele that the ‘Stang caters to.

Popular in the late ’90s–hopefully never popular again.

Carson Daly as the PT Loser


At first they think it’s cute and charming but after taking one for a test drive even 50-year-old soccer moms think it’s as stupid their husbands think they are.

Still in production even though nobody has purchased one since 2003.

Hulk Hogan as the 84’ Olds Cutlass Wagon – Lifted


Its time has come and gone (for the better).

It’s old, it’s ugly, it’s way too big, it’s pathetic, and everyone wonders why it’s so jacked up.

Note: The 2001 Dodge Durango (with spare tire)–not so little daughter of the 84′ Cutlass.

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Dad is an asshole

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