Chicago Holy Water No Match For City Of Angels

CHICAGO – Wednesday’s NLDS opener between the cursed Cubs and the Los Angeles Dodgers was a step in the right direction for Chicago in proving their famed goat curse is in fact a legitimate curse. The Chicago Tribune reports:

“The Cubs brought a heavy hitter to Wrigley Field on Wednesday afternoon, asking the Rev. James L. Greanias, a Greek Orthodox priest from St. Iakovos Church in Valparaiso, Ind., to spread holy water around the dugout to remove an alleged curse that has hovered over the ballclub since its last World Series appearance in 1945.”

The ploy, which failed when the Doyers pummeled the cleansed Cubs 7-2, raises several controversial questions regarding God and his assumed existence.

Regardless, if fans believe their Cubs are cursed, which they must since they decided to call in a priest to cleanse their dugout, they need to stand behind their team and encourage them to play just hard enough not to win any more games.

See, it’s a catch-22: if they lose, the curse is real but their losers, and if they win the World Series, then their curse isn’t legitimate and the real truth comes out – that they’ve simply been bitching about how terrible their ball-club has been for the last 60 years.

The Cubs are doomed. They will lose on Thursday. Their religious gimmicks will not work against a team from the City of Angels and that’s that. Oh, and Soriano went 0-5 with 2Ks, nice.

Here’s how the postseason is shaping up:

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