Albert Haynesworth And The $100 Million Nap

Anyone who saw the Monday Night Football game last night between the Washington Redskins and the Philadelphia Eagles witnessed Michael Vick picking apart the Redskin secondary and shredding their defensive line.

Enter #92 Albert Haynesworth… if for only a couple of plays.

After two pro bowl selections with the Tennessee Titans in 2007 and 2008, the 6’6″ 335 lb Haynesworth signed a $100 million dollar 7-year deal with the Skins and has since become, in a nutshell, what you see above — a tired, ineffective waste of $100,000,000.

Although to be fair, he probably won’t see all of the money, and he has been an integral component of the Redskin defense, but only at times, and only when he feels like it, and only when he plays — he still hasn’t started a game this season because, for lack of a better description, he is a tired, ineffective waste of $100,000,000.

Watch the GIF, which is conveniently repeating ad nauseam, and what you see is what you get… for $100 million. Fat Albert giving up, #78 on the Eagles O-Line completely confused as to what he’s doing only to go block #99 who could have, if Fat Albert just didn’t quit and let #78 block, sacked Vick which would have subsequently prevented a touchdown.

That a boy!

But at least Albert Haynesworth brings a great personality to the team, right?

Eh, maybe not so much — he has a record of Paris Hilton proportions — which includes impregnating Silvia Mena, a New York stripper and then abandoning the kid and all financial responsibility, partially paralyzing Corey Edmonson after crashing into the Tennessee native while driving his Ferrari at speeds in excess of 100 MPH, and then there was the whole stomping incident.

Don’t remember that one?

On October 1, 2006, in the third quarter of a game against the Cowboys, running back Julius Jones ran for a touchdown. During the play, center Andre Gurode fell to the ground, and his helmet was ripped off by then Tennessee Titan Albert Haynesworth.

With Grude’s helmet off, Haynesworth tried to stomp on his head, but missed. A second stomp opened a severe wound on Gurode’s forehead, narrowly missing his right eye (video of the stompage). The referee assessed Haynesworth with a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty, to which Haynesworth protested by taking off his helmet and throwing it into the turf; Haynesworth was then assessed an additional 15-yard penalty and ejected.

After the game Gurode received 30 stitches just above and below his right eye.

And all before he’s 30. Congrats Albert on being the biggest and largest douche in the NFL.

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