6 Outdated Technology References in Music

6. Juicy – Notorious B.I.G.


Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis
When I was dead broke, man I couldn’t picture this

The first single off the debut album Ready To Die, Juicy chronicles Biggie’s rags to riches rise into hip-hop. While I’m sure Sega and SNES used to be hot products, one can be acquired today on eBay for less than $20. Or the cost of one crack rock. So I hear…

5. Changes – 2pac


You gotta learn to hold ya own.
They get jealous when they see ya with ya mobile phone.
But tell the cops they can’t touch this.
I don’t trust this, when they try to rush I bust this.

A song about police brutality, racism, and poverty, Changes was one of 2Pac’s greatest singles, earning him the only posthumous nomination for best solo performance in Grammy history. Unfortunately for the Pac, no one is jealous of anyone else having a mobile phone because the only thing that’s ‘changed’ is that my niece and her 15 year old friends own a Blackberry… and they won’t stop texting me. Megan’s Law loophole, anyone?

4. Nsync – Digital Get Down


Digital, digital get down (get down) just you and me
(You may be) Twenty thousand miles away, but I can see ya
And baby, baby you can see me
Digital, digital get down (get down) just what we need

Oh webcam, how you sprang into action after American Pie. Unfortunately, Shannon Elizabeth is never on the other end, it’s always some emo girl with daddy issues or one of Chris Hanson’s minions luring you into entrapment because you thought CutieBabe95 was her graduation and not birth year. Now that we have Suicide Girls, we can enjoy that freedom for only $4/month, sparing your the embarassingly pale ass from getting naked on camera. Win-win.

3. Freedom – Rage Against The Machine


Solo, I’m a soloist on a solo list
All live, never on a floppy disk

The only thing floppy on my computer better be an adjective describing the supple breasts of the adult stars in my porn folder. More commonly known as the “Accounts Receivable/Tax Audits” folder.

2. Fu©k You – Dr. Dre


Man, she blowin up my pager, the $hit’s gettin major
A favor for a favor, this dick is what I gave her

There are few things better than a fu©k buddy. Except of course, when she’s married and you can kick her out after sex. Ah, the good old days when we held women at bay with pagers. Now cell phones keep us teathered to our female counterparts. With better networks, no longer can we use the tried and true “I didn’t have service.” Well, unless you’re on T-Mobile.

1. Virus – Deltron 3030


Infiltration hits your station
No Microsoft or enhanced DOS will impede
Society thinks they’re safe when
Bingo! Hard Drive crashes from the rending

Del The Funky Homosapien and Dan the Automator came together to make a futuristic hip-hop album which takes place in the year 3030. And if it’s a thousand years in the future, why the hell are we still using Vista?[digg-me]

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