In case you recently got your man card revoked for getting walked in on while using your girlfriend’s callus, corn and cuticle grinder, the following is a primer on reinstatement.
Wear your calluses with honor, and unless you’re making your own parmesan by shaving your feet into a bowl of bolognese to make it a little more manly…
…leave the toe-cheese scraping to the ladies.
Surfing is for pussies and people who moved from Ohio to California
You go to the barber every Tuesday
You don’t invite the wife to the game so you can do stuff like make it on Sports Center’s Top Plays
You one-up your neighbor with a pit-bull
Bitches let you walk all over them
You shutgun beers while boardsliding twenty-stairs
You don’t even have to ride your bacon bareback
You have a throne
You don’t even bother making fun of guys who go out to bars in Venice wearing blazers
The Bath versus Shower debate of manliness is officially trumped by this bad daddy who prefers to boil himself in an excavator bucket over a wood-only fire. That’s right, no briquettes, just pure man salt and mesquite
Either that or he’s just really, really drunk.