Track and Failed: Who Ya Got?

In this week’s edition of Who Ya Got, we’re taking to the hurdles and matching up a fearless Chinaman, a dejected white guy and a newborn giraffe to see who done it worse.

To the starting blocks.

The Facepalm Faceplant

The only thing that stings more that coming in last place is having to pick shards of plywood out of your gums in front of the pink lemonade stand next turn turn four. Props to the Austrian for not getting up to awkwardly finish the race — no matter what Coach Bombay says, it’s not about how you play the game, it’s about whether you win or lose, and you just lost.

The Newborn

I didn’t know they let newborn animals compete in high school but this newborn giraffe is showing signs of steadfast maturation. You fall down, you get back up. You fall down, you get back up, and before you know it you’ve completed the transformation from nursling to adult giraffe who’s leg muscles are fully capable of supporting your full body weight.

Strangely this reminds me of 12-year-old girls wearing high heels at middle school dances just trying to stay afloat on the dancefloor.

The Bowl Noodle

I know Asian parents can be strict in your striving for excellence, but Cheung here needs to learn that quality of work usually trumps duration of completion.

Just because you can play Johann Sebastian Bach’s Cello Suite No.1 Prelude in G Major in 13-seconds by only playing two notes doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve finished your Cello practice and you can spend the rest of the day playing mahjong with Chow Yun-Wang and Jean-Carlos.

It does however mean that one day you’ll be my favorite hurdler, and with that let’s get to the poll.

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