Paparazzi Meet Gate Arm, You Guys Will Hit It Off, I Can Just Tell

I did a little pitching on the baseball team when I was in high school and for me, the most satisfying moment on the mound wasn’t striking someone out but hitting them in the middle of the back — which is probably why I only did a little pitching.

There’s nothing more soothing than the hollow thud of a baseball resonating through the abdominal cavity of an 140 lb freshman, except for maybe a gate arm slamming paparazzi in the head.