New Mom Minnie Driver Says “Babies Are Endlessly Fascinating To Look At”

Even though her stomach is no longer as obtuse as her face, Minnie Driver is happy to welcome her bastard child Henry Story Driver into the world because:

“Babies are endlessly fascinating to look at” (people).

The 38 year old actress seems to have it all figured out – raising the child will be just like looking at a cute baby calendar… a cute baby calendar that sucks on your nipples and drops deuces on your lap.

The Brit feels confident that raising Story Driver as a single mother will not be an issue, as she states about the father:

“I’m not getting married to this person and I don’t know what’s going to happen but everyone is cool about the situation.”

Even though she has no clue what will happen, there’s no need to lose sleep (even if her baby is crying) for the following reasons:

  1. Because everyone is cool about it.
  2. Because babies are fun to look at.

Editor’s thoughts: Note to self, buy condoms/no dumb chicks.