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Man loses car he just parked

Some people are extremely unlucky–so unlucky that at times I pity them for being beaten down repeatedly by the hard fist that, for so many people, is the reality of their existence.

Other people are just stupid.

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Michael Otero pulled into the lot of a 7-11 convenience store (only convenient if you’re trying to gain 30 pounds by the end of the month by eating cheese injected hot dogs that have been sitting on the rotisserie since yesterday of last week) and parked his newly purchased red pickup truck with a manual transmission directly in front of the store.

He got out of the vehicle, entered the store, and began his nightly routine by purchasing the most unhealthy food available to the greater Laguna Beach community.

When he returned to his truck–he was struck with the greatest fear that any man who hates walking and doesn’t exercise can imagine–his truck was gone and his hands were full of crinkle cut cheddar cheese fries and a family sized bag of Baken-Ets brand zero-carb fried pork skins.

For 120 seconds, Otero debated whether it was worth dropping one of the delicious treats in order to free up a hand to dial 9-1-1 on his mobile phone, but he decided that the call could wait. He stood in the parking lot, sad, alone, and staring blankly at where his car had been while trying to come up with some logical explanation for his truck’s disappearance.

“It’s almost like a ghost,” Otero said scientifically.

After he devoured his fries, he dialed 9-1-1 with his greasy sausage fingers and told the operator on the other end that his car had been stolen. Laguna Beach Police responded in minutes because they had nothing better to do in the quiet beach town, and hoping to catch a glimpse of the culprit, pulled the surveillance video from the convenience store.

This is what they saw.

“I still don’t believe it,” said Otero–continuing profoundly, “This is like a car hole-in-one.”

What do you think?

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  1. What the fuck are you talking about? He bought a soda, not cheese fries, not pork skins, nothing of the sort. Your commentary isn't even funny. You would have better off just stating the facts: "Truck gets put in park, goes into reverse on its own, man loses truck and calls 9/11." He didn't make a mistake and not put it in break.

    In summary, your jokes aren't funny and you're an asshat.

  2. Puts a manual truck into park and it goes into reverse on it's own? are you fucking kidding? First of all, that's fucking impossible, and second of all the truck is already rolling as the guy got out. The moron put in in neutral and didn't put parking brake on.

    In summary, guy with the truck and you are both huge asshats.

  3. Yeah I agree the commentary was very jerky, and very inaccurate. On topic though, who the fuck leaves their car running when they go into a store to buy something? You'd deserve to have your car stolen if not by a 'ghost', a real person.

    • goddammit, a manual vehicle has no park, nor does it need to be running to roll, there is neutral (when the little stick thingy is kinda in the middle of all those weird numbers) and a vehicle can roll fairly well in this position, on or o. i hate you all except for the one pondering about why this is a hole in one you're okay.

  4. Let's all remember that the internet is not print. There is no quality control. Any fucktard with a computer can make his opinions known to the masses. Every writer, like the one who wrote this article, will try to emulate Maddox, Tucker Max, or some other famous internet writer.
    And to the person who claims automatic transmissions can spontaneously switch gears…shut the fuck up.

  5. I am guessing the guy put the truck on Neutral and did not engage the parking brake. With manual transmission, it is generally advisable to do as follows.

    After parking, bring the vehicle to neutral, switch ignition off. Then put it in 1st gear. Engage parking brake.

    If the vehicle has to be parked in an inclined position, put the gear in the opposite direction. i.e., put it in reverse if the vehicle is downhill and in 1st if the vehicle is uphill.

    This is what I do. You are free to do as you wish.

  6. Nice 'commentary' btw.
    'He stood there for 120 seconds debating whether to drop his food and call the police'
    Are you blind, or did you just think the above was funny.
    If the latter, you need to revise your term of funny.

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