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If these 6 celebs were cars, they would be…

clouds

The following comparisons make about as much sense as the Jonas Brothers’ success. Though if the kiddie-bop voice-mod sob-sister pussy-pop trio made this list, they would have been characterized as a lime green ’93 Honda Del Sol, a lavender ’94 Mazda Miata, and a 4 cylinder aqua-marina BMW Z3.

I then would have photoshopped baseball bats jammed in all three vehicles’ windows and dropped them into the Pulp Fiction rape scene.

That would be humbling.

Tom Cruise as the Mini Cooper

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The Mini Cooper was cool (for a few hours after seeing Austin Powers/Risky Business) in a novelty sort of way. But anything remotely intriguing about the Mini Cooper vanished when the new mini hit and saturated the market, forcing everyone to see how insanely stupid it really was whether they wanted to or not.

Even Oprah had a tough time giving these away on her show.

Clint Eastwood as the 67′ Chevelle SS

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Sometimes it blows a gasket but most of the time it’s badass.

Mo’Nique as the Toyota Previa

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Does this really require an explanation?

No?

Didn’t think so.

Vin Diesel as the ’96 Ford Mustang Convertible

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It looks like a sports car but behaves more like a VW Jetta—which is ideal for the generally female and closet homosexual clientele that the ‘Stang caters to.

Popular in the late ’90s–hopefully never popular again.

Carson Daly as the PT Loser

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At first they think it’s cute and charming but after taking one for a test drive even 50-year-old soccer moms think it’s as stupid their husbands think they are.

Still in production even though nobody has purchased one since 2003.

Hulk Hogan as the 84’ Olds Cutlass Wagon – Lifted

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Its time has come and gone (for the better).

It’s old, it’s ugly, it’s way too big, it’s pathetic, and everyone wonders why it’s so jacked up.

Note: The 2001 Dodge Durango (with spare tire)–not so little daughter of the 84′ Cutlass.

  • rich

    Its pretty funny that the fucktard who wrote this obviously doesnt know shit about cars because if he had any fucking clue whatsoever he would have read the article that went along withe the picture of my 1995 ford mustang gt when he stole the picture. Do yourself a favor jackass next time you go stealing pictures from other peoples articles atleast take the time to read it so you dont look like an ass.

    • Bahahah! That's too funny! Rich, you know you're a cock-jockey nut-gobblin faggot, right? You cannot drive that piece of shit car and expect people to think you're straight. Lemme guess, you have bleached tips, wear Oakleys and Cargo Pants and suck on your girlfriends big, hairy hermaphrodite clit.

      Jesus Christ, what a pussy.

    • Bahahah! That's too funny! Rich, you know you're a cock-jockey nut-gobblin faggot, right? You cannot drive that piece of shit car and expect people to think you're straight. Lemme guess, you have bleached tips, wear Oakleys and Cargo Pants and suck on your girlfriends big, hairy hermaphrodite clit.

      Jesus Christ, what a pussy.

  • rich

    Its pretty funny that the fucktard who wrote this obviously doesnt know shit about cars because if he had any fucking clue whatsoever he would have read the article that went along withe the picture of my 1995 ford mustang gt when he stole the picture. Do yourself a favor jackass next time you go stealing pictures from other peoples articles atleast take the time to read it so you dont look like an ass.

    • Bahahah! That's too funny! Rich, you know you're a cock-jockey nut-gobblin faggot, right? You cannot drive that piece of shit car and expect people to think you're straight. Lemme guess, you have bleached tips, wear Oakleys and Cargo Pants and suck on your girlfriends big, hairy hermaphrodite clit.

      Jesus Christ, what a pussy.

  • Excuse you James, considering my man's 95 opal is a prize winning Stang it would serve you well to think before you steal pictures that dont belong to you….He can drive it well and to top it off he rebuilt and modified it with his own to hands…I am sure you wouldnt know how to change a tire much less rebuild one the finest pieces of American made machinery there is….oh and for your neanderthal opinon on my pussy…I have hardwood floors baby and he is more man than you could ever be…..have a nice life fucktard….P.S. Come out of the closet James the gay community I am sure would welcome your faggot ass with open arms….

  • Excuse you James, considering my man's 95 opal is a prize winning Stang it would serve you well to think before you steal pictures that dont belong to you….He can drive it well and to top it off he rebuilt and modified it with his own to hands…I am sure you wouldnt know how to change a tire much less rebuild one the finest pieces of American made machinery there is….oh and for your neanderthal opinon on my pussy…I have hardwood floors baby and he is more man than you could ever be…..have a nice life fucktard….P.S. Come out of the closet James the gay community I am sure would welcome your faggot ass with open arms….

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