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Facebook Items Guaranteed To Be Lies

5) Relationship Status

At the time of this writing, only two states in the country have legalized gay marriage, yet 90% of college aged women claim to be married to their best female friends. This is a factual impossibility, no matter how many bumper stickers written by total strangers are sent back and forth as if they were inside jokes. Additionally, if more men actually married their “shorties” instead of figuring that nicknaming her “wifey” is close enough, we might not have a single mother epidemic.

The Lie:

The Truth:

The Lie:

The Truth:

4) Friends

Primate research suggests that there is a finite number of others we are capable of caring for and maintaining emotional connections to, but Facebook research indicates differently. Fortunately my massive primate brain is able to handle a near infinite number of bullsh-t claims, the thousand-friend-myth among them. This isn’t even remotely true.

The Lie                                                     The Truth

It doesn’t help that 982 of those photos are actually of his custom built PC which he has named Jerome Jr.

3) Looking for

America’s sexual dysfunction and uptight puritan morals rear their heads once more. Despite the pictures of getting black out drunk and licking some guys nipples, and the routine enthusiastic remembrances of slutty behavior that passes for wall posting, most women find their alcohol fueled courage wavering when it comes to actually admitting “for serious” their sexual preferences. It would be simply unladylike to come out and say that one was looking for “random play” or “whatever she can get”. Those would be the words of a wanton and uncouth woman, one of far less culture and standing than the “classy ladies” that populate our American universities. Friendship or A Relationship it is.

The Lie:

The Truth:

2) Picture Captions

I’m not sure why people even attempt to lie here, it’s not like you stand a chance of getting away with it. A picture is worth a thousand words and you’re going to try and counter-argue with less than a sentence? Captions are so useless that most websites hide them somewhere in the code and are only there so that they can be used by the visually impaired. But Facebook provides the opportunity to caption, and thus Facebookers are obliged to place egregious untruths therein.

The Lie:

The Truth:

1) Favorite Books

Judging from the way they write, few people on Facebook are even literate, and of those that are, no one actually liked The Catcher in the Rye. You just put it on there because you needed something to balance out the seven Harry Potter books. You’re not fooling anyone by putting your high school English syllabus on your Facebook profile.

The Lie:

The Truth:


[digg-me]

  • This has got to be one of the funniest things I’ve seen online in a long time! You hit the nail on the head with this one!

  • This has got to be one of the funniest things I’ve seen online in a long time! You hit the nail on the head with this one!

  • This has got to be one of the funniest things I’ve seen online in a long time! You hit the nail on the head with this one!

  • “That’s not a fountain behind us, art is crying” is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Kudos.

  • “That’s not a fountain behind us, art is crying” is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Kudos.

  • All I have is awesome times awesome equals pure comedy.

  • All I have is awesome times awesome equals pure comedy.

  • All I have is awesome times awesome equals pure comedy.

  • All I have is awesome times awesome equals pure comedy.

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  • ListenEllipse

    In #4 that is a picture of Jim Babcock, who recently starred on the CW TV show Beauty and the Geek. That picture was a publicity shot made for the show — that’s why it’s a little over the top.

  • ListenEllipse

    In #4 that is a picture of Jim Babcock, who recently starred on the CW TV show Beauty and the Geek. That picture was a publicity shot made for the show — that’s why it’s a little over the top.

  • ListenEllipse

    In #4 that is a picture of Jim Babcock, who recently starred on the CW TV show Beauty and the Geek. That picture was a publicity shot made for the show — that’s why it’s a little over the top.

  • ListenEllipse

    In #4 that is a picture of Jim Babcock, who recently starred on the CW TV show Beauty and the Geek. That picture was a publicity shot made for the show — that’s why it’s a little over the top.

  • I loved this. I do know plenty of folks who seem to know their whole university. That said, I appreciate Facebook for actually letting me keep up with old friends that have moved away.

  • I loved this. I do know plenty of folks who seem to know their whole university. That said, I appreciate Facebook for actually letting me keep up with old friends that have moved away.

  • I loved this. I do know plenty of folks who seem to know their whole university. That said, I appreciate Facebook for actually letting me keep up with old friends that have moved away.

  • I loved this. I do know plenty of folks who seem to know their whole university. That said, I appreciate Facebook for actually letting me keep up with old friends that have moved away.

  • liz

    F-you, I seriously love catcher in the rye. You may not be as retarded as the people who lie on facebook about this stuff, but if you think no one likes catcher in the rye, it probably means you’re retarded enough not to “get it.” Go read a real book sometime.

  • liz

    F-you, I seriously love catcher in the rye. You may not be as retarded as the people who lie on facebook about this stuff, but if you think no one likes catcher in the rye, it probably means you’re retarded enough not to “get it.” Go read a real book sometime.

  • liz

    F-you, I seriously love catcher in the rye. You may not be as retarded as the people who lie on facebook about this stuff, but if you think no one likes catcher in the rye, it probably means you’re retarded enough not to “get it.” Go read a real book sometime.

  • Bob

    whoa it looks like its that time of the month again for some one *cough*liz*cough*

  • Bob

    whoa it looks like its that time of the month again for some one *cough*liz*cough*

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  • a great amount of reasons not to use facebook

  • a great amount of reasons not to use facebook

  • a great amount of reasons not to use facebook

  • Alyson

    I actually liked Catcher in the Rye, although I wouldn’t call it one of my favorite books. And while there are plenty of ignorant, illiterate people out there, I know lots of intelligent people on Facebook. Yes, people I actually KNOW…

  • Alyson

    I actually liked Catcher in the Rye, although I wouldn’t call it one of my favorite books. And while there are plenty of ignorant, illiterate people out there, I know lots of intelligent people on Facebook. Yes, people I actually KNOW…

  • Alyson

    I actually liked Catcher in the Rye, although I wouldn’t call it one of my favorite books. And while there are plenty of ignorant, illiterate people out there, I know lots of intelligent people on Facebook. Yes, people I actually KNOW…

  • Alyson

    I actually liked Catcher in the Rye, although I wouldn’t call it one of my favorite books. And while there are plenty of ignorant, illiterate people out there, I know lots of intelligent people on Facebook. Yes, people I actually KNOW…

  • Or some women actually are lesbians and don’t give a sh*t about the government giving their relationship legal status.

  • Or some women actually are lesbians and don’t give a sh*t about the government giving their relationship legal status.

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  • Great post. Funny absolute.

  • Great post. Funny absolute.

  • Great post. Funny absolute.

  • kitiara13

    i honestly liked catcher in the rye too. ive read it several times and i loved it while growing up. oh, i loved your post though. :)

  • kitiara13

    i honestly liked catcher in the rye too. ive read it several times and i loved it while growing up. oh, i loved your post though. :)

  • kitiara13

    i honestly liked catcher in the rye too. ive read it several times and i loved it while growing up. oh, i loved your post though. :)

  • reagskibop

    some people still read :(

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