It was decided last week that the Department of Homeland Security would no longer be using the color coded terror alert threat system they unveiled in 2002 — how then am I supposed to know weather or not it’s dangerous enough for me to rob that bank I’ve always been meaning to?

I’m a bit of a thrill seeker so I need the highest level of threat as possible, and a couple of bear strength taser shots to the face ‘aint enough to threaten my thrillnads.

Fortunately, the other night Conan unveiled a new threat system — the Nicolas Cage Threat Down.

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