Conan’s New Terror Alert: The Nicolas Cage Terror Alert

It was decided last week that the Department of Homeland Security would no longer be using the color coded terror alert threat system they unveiled in 2002 — how then am I supposed to know weather or not it’s dangerous enough for me to rob that bank I’ve always been meaning to?

I’m a bit of a thrill seeker so I need the highest level of threat as possible, and a couple of bear strength taser shots to the face ‘aint enough to threaten my thrillnads.

Fortunately, the other night Conan unveiled a new threat system — the Nicolas Cage Threat Down.

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