[digg-me]Ah yes, celebrity. The only place in the world where people who can afford expensive meals get them free of charge. Adoring fans mob you with requests for autographs, pictures, and to bear your children. Luckily, these celebrities didn’t get where they were without having common sense. Wait, that’s not right. They’re spoiled asshats who name their kids sh-t like Uranus, all but guaranteeing they get their ass kicked before Kindergarten. Without further ado, Banned In Hollywood presents “Celebrity Baby or Dog’s Name?” Answers revealed after the pictures.
Answer: Baby name. Gillian Anderson named her kid Piper Maru, after the title of the fifteenth episode of “X-Files.” Yes, you read that correctly. She named her kid after a show about investigating aliens, which leads me to believe that Chris Carter jokingly told her that he would write another X-Files screenplay if she’d name her kid something ridiculous. Who’s got the last laugh now, Chris?
Answer: Dog. Lindsay Lohan’s to be exact. Although she strikes me as more of a cat owner (something about exiting cars sans panties, ya dig?). Luckily, Rachel Weisz didn’t name her kid anything crazy, although Henry Chance is a bit pretentious. There’s a chance (oh!) that he’ll grow up normal. Then you realize that his dad is Darren Aronofsky, who wrote Requiem for a Dream, and you know that kid’s going to be f-cked up.
Poppy Honey and Daisy Boo
Answer: Baby names. Jamie and Jools Oliver (I’ll give you $10 if you can guess which is which) probably named their kids after their pet names for each other. It sounds endearing until you start to think about the ramifications. Jamie tries to seductively kiss Jool’s neck calling her “Daisey Boo” which immediately brings to mind her toddler daughter and sh-t filled diapers. Smooth.
Answer: Both. Courtney Cox and special needs husband David Arquette named their daughter Coco. Which, reportedly, is short for Courtney Cox. At least I can sleep easy at night knowing that Courtney Cox is doing all she can to tear down the Hollywood stereotype of narcissism. The dog belongs to Christina Aguilera, which is pretty normal until you realize that she named her son Max Liron. I’m guessing she’s holding out hope that he’ll become a superhero someday, a daring one who defeats evildoers and exchanges currency. Maybe a tandem with Moxie Crimefighter (the name given to Penn Jillette’s daughter)?
Answer: Dog. Thank god (dog?). Buttermilk is a cockapoo (I’m not even going to touch that one) owned by Ashley Judd. Although I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before a dumbass celebrity decides to name a child after their favorite kind of pancakes. My money would be on Frank Zappa if he was still alive because he named his daughter after a breakfast food, Diva Muffin. Yum.