12 signs you need to go on a diet

Some people will be offended by this list–it’s a natural response to those who need to diet–for those of you who don’t need to diet–relax, sit back, put your feet up, and indulge in pictorial-gluttony of gluttons across the world.

If in any way you are offended by my compilation–please read what Ricky Gervais has to say on the issue.

Your legs have tan lines from your stomach blocking the sun

Inanimate objects know what you’re thinking

Your neck is wider than your head

6 girls should, but only 5 girls fit in the picture

Your boobs impair your vision on the road

You look like the Michelin Man

No one can tell if you’re a man or a woman

Your penis is sandwiched between your nuts and stomach

You need help putting on your pants

You weigh more than your motorcycle

Even your unitard has stretch marks

Your stomach hangs out from under your dress

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