When I was back home on summer break from college, one of my buddies drank way too much at his mom’s house. She had these decorative pinecones in a dish on the dining room table and a roll of duct tape in the kitchen, so naturally I duct-taped pinecones in his hands and his cell phone to the side of his leg.
Then every time we called his phone, he’d try (unsuccessfully of course) to answer the phone, at which point he’d become baffled at how to detach it from his leg, at which point he’d become baffled by what had happened to his cone-clad hands, all the while banging his opposable thumbless duct tape rods against one another like a baby trying to clap.
Then when the ringing would cease and the call would go to voicemail, he’d instantly slump lifeless into the recliner where he sat, and this continued on at 15-minute intervals for a good two-and-a-half hours.
This list goes out to you good sir.
For previous editions of 10 Signs You Drank too Much see below.